Rapture or Zombie Apocalypse

May 21, 2011 by John S

According to the CDC website there is a plan that you should develop for your family. They do state that if zombies do start to roam your streets not to worry they will conduct an “investigation much like any other disease outbreak.” Here are the 4 steps that you need to plan out with your family.

Identify the types of emergencies that are possible in your area. Besides a zombie apocalypse, this may include floods, tornadoes, or earthquakes. If you are unsure contact your local Red Cross chapter for more information.
Pick a meeting place for your family to regroup in case zombies invade your home…or your town evacuates because of a hurricane. Pick one place right outside your home for sudden emergencies and one place outside of your neighborhood in case you are unable to return home right away.
Identify your emergency contacts. Make a list of local contacts like the police, fire department, and your local zombie response team. Also identify an out-of-state contact that you can call during an emergency to let the rest of your family know you are ok.
Plan your evacuation route. When zombies are hungry they won’t stop until they get food (i.e., brains), which means you need to get out of town fast! Plan where you would go and multiple routes you would take ahead of time so that the flesh eaters don’t have a chance! This is also helpful when natural disasters strike and you have to take shelter fast.

Before you drive yourself mad worrying about the zombie apocalypse, keep in mind today is the Rapture. That is right the Rapture is today according to Harold Camping, President of Family Stations Inc. However, to accept this one must disregard Mathew 24:36 “But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.” Also Mathew 24:42 “Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come.”

If Harold Camping prediction is correct this time, he has made this prediction before; we will not have to worry about the CDC zombies. This could also be good news for the FDA; as they will not have to worry about Dan Allgyer, the Pennsylvania Amish farmer, they believe is running an interstate black market ring of unpasteurized milk sellers.

Herein lies the problem, one is theory and well the others just cannot read. Harold Camping is looking for God to show up, what he has missed in the decades of study of the scripture is that God is here.

If Harold Camping wants to meet God in person he just needs to move to Pennsylvania. Take up Amish dairy farming and ride around in his horse drawn buggy selling unpasteurized milk to people in Maryland: all the time doing this dressed as a zombie. God will, at that point show up, at least he will think that the Rapture is upon him.

If we miss out on it today there is always December 21, 2012. That is Mayan so that may not count.